When I woke up this morning I didn't have to go to work so I lingered in the bed and just thought about stuff. I was there for almost 2 hours because I rolled over and it was 8:01 am on Wednesday morning.
One week ago Tim and I were leaving the house to go for our ultrasound. We were smiling and holding hands. He was teasing me about how Dora would get mad at him because we were running late and I insisted on stopping for a decaf latte anyways. As I write this one week ago we were on the road to Pt. Reyes in a desperate attempt to not stay in the house and cry all day (instead I cried in the car, on the trail to Heart's Desire Beach, at the italian restaurant we went to for lunch, and at the Pt. Reyes visitor center).
One week from 8:01 am on this Wednesday morning we will be at 400 Parnassus getting a second ultrasound. One week from right now I hope to be relieved and apologizing for having gotten so worked up over something that turned out to be nothing. I will begin to process the information and how I am forever changed by this experience. Or I will be a mess and the woman who was walking the street hand-in-hand with her husband clutching her latte in the other will be a ghost.
Meanwhile, the urgent little flutter inside of me right now is our baby. I love it. She makes me smile.
I got a card in the mail from my dad yesterday. This is so uncharacteristic for him and I have a hard time imagining that his wife crying. Here it is:
Just a quick note. I came home from our lunch the other day and I told Rob about the baby. She didn't say a word, she just started to cry. It was at that exact moment I realized just how ill-equipped men are to deal with things that have to do with carrying around another life inside of you. I guess I'm never too old to learn. What I do know is that two weeks can be a real long time to have something that heavy on your mind. Just know that I'm always there for you. Even if you just need to talk or hang out or even go to a movie. I'm just a phone call away. I love you and there is nothing I would not do for you. All I want is for you to be happy.