Wednesday, November 26, 2008

It's Just Geography

I haven't kept it a secret - I've been lonely since moving to San Francisco. Combine a tendency to be introverted around strangers with a wickedly busy schedule and you get me: a person who takes a long time to make friends. Overall, there has been a strong inclination in our house to romanticize our time in Florida. Comments about how great it would be to move back are made with the same ease as comments about the weather. We went for a visit last week...we are not moving back any time soon.

It was fantastic to see our friends. Honestly, if we did ever move back that would be the only reason why. I had nearly forgotten what it was like to sit a table with people who truly care and really want the best for me. I feel the same for them. It was nice to be hugged and to hug back. It was nice to sit back, hear the conversations, and know that these people recognize I'm not the life of the party and that's OK. The greatest gift my friends give me is the complete ability to be myself without worry or fear of rejection. I love you guys!!

Finally, we realized that Naples and Tampa have never been "home". Gainesville is a place that exists in our memories's no longer the place I hated then and pine for now. Moving back wouldn't do a thing to restore the life we had there. Our trip home was a quiet, sad one as this realization set in. It's time once again to move on and fully commit to our life here - something that I don't think I had mentally done before.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Can't Sleep

Someone posted a few nights ago about how often her job keeps her awake. Tell me about it...
It's 5:00am and I am up - I couldn't take tossing and turning any more. For a change I don't feel personally responsible for the two cases prominently on my mind. Nevertheless, empathy has gotten the better of me and I feel like these things are happening to my cats. I am so upset and torn up for these families.

I have one geriatric cat who is so sweet and her owners are so fantastic. She has multiple serious illnesses and now she is dying. It happens eventually but I always feel miserable for the family when it does. My cats are all still young so we don't have this immediate concern but when I imagine going through this with them it breaks my heart.

The other case I can't stop thinking about it a one and a half year old indoors only cat who presented in respiratory distress on Monday. She has a pyothorax. It's a terrible prognosis and very expensive to treat. I want so badly to try to help this owner - she reminds me of myself when I was in college. She's responsible with a good head on her shoulders but absolutely no resources. I have looked into every possibility for her...these cases are so tough. It may end with a dead cat whether she pursues treatment or not (the cat will die if we do nothing). I want to try for this young cat but I can't push the client into - the resentment if her cat did die would be beyond the beyond.

So I am awake. I think I'll watch some Colbert Report to take my mind off of it and see if I can drift off to sleep once more...

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

There is hope...

This time 4 years ago I was thinking that I would need to move out of the country soon. I was in Ohio at the time. Everywhere I looked were signs about marriage. You know, the sophomoric stick figures of a man and a woman...there was a war going on but THIS was what Ohioans were thinking about. I was so overwhelmed by disappointment that the USA was so easily distracted and could re-elect such a buffoon. Later, I saw a bumper sticker that read, "Bush 2004: Thanks for not paying attention." That was exactly how I felt.
Tonight I have hope.
It took long enough, but thankfully people were paying attention this time.