I didn't cry once yesterday. I came close a couple of times, but I held it together. For the first time in a while I was actually thankful for the distraction of work yesterday. It was such a relief to go in and be forced to concentrate on something else entirely for 11 hours in a row. I get to do it again today and tomorrow and the next day. And then we are one week closer to what I hope is a resolution.
There was a flurry of sweet and supportive emails yesterday between Tim and I. He'll probably cringe when he finds that I wrote this. If anything good should come of this it's that I am so much more aware of and grateful for the many wonderful things and people in my life. Most of all my husband. I feel closer now through the past few days than I have ever felt to him. I suspect that if we are lucky enough to raise baby peeper that our family unit will be a thousand times stronger than it ever could have otherwise been.
Maybe this is a grand lesson? Please, God, please let that be what this is.
I might update later. All this writing seems to help...
Update: I didn't cry today. I came close tonight but I didn't do it. I am deeply embroiled in a fantastic display of utter denial. If I can't remove the offending stimulus and I can't drink it away with a bottle of red wine then I will simply rationalize my way into it simply not existing at all. So there.