Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Baby peeper has a brain.

I think I've already spread the word: baby peeper has a corpus callosum!

Yay! One MAJOR obstacle down. Since nothing is ever easy we are not totally in the clear. Her ventricles are still measuring big at 9mm each, which is bigger than two weeks ago. Anything over 10 mm is ventriculomegaly. I have another follow-up ultrasound in 2 weeks. I'm actively choosing to not worry about this. Ruth Goldstein was our radiologist today and she is a fetal neuro-imaging specialist. She says that in her experience bigger babies have bigger ventricles. Babies who have developmental issues have a tendency to be much smaller. Baby peeper is big (not abnormally) for her age. See? It's like a geometry proof.

So after being underground except for the blog, which has served as a diary of sorts, I am finally ready to join the world of the living. To celebrate this I came home from the morning and collapsed in a napping heap on the couch. This is why I sent out a quick text and held off on any posting until the hangover was gone. Tomorrow I will go buy a couple of shirts that actually fit me.

I am only beginning to process this experience:
The best part is how incredibly supportive you have all been. I will forever remember that.

I think it changed my relationship with Tim - our marriage is stronger. God, I love that man. He is a good man.

I am still trying to get a grip on my control issues...a big one for me. Losing control for any reason is a horror. This is why my house is clean: false sense of control. Want to know a secret? I probably would have spent more time exploring recreational drugs but I learned early that I am not cut out for it. Gosh, I managed to have a bad time smoking pot and on ecstasy (not at the same time) and never went further.

Parenting. She's grounded already for worrying me so much.

Faith. At 7:20 am I decided I needed my rosary. It wasn't in the misselett where it normally is so I ended up pulling storage boxes out of the depths of the closet in a panic until I found it. I went through 2 whole rosaries between the walk to the hospital and the wait. Like an old familiar friend the meditation kept me calm. How far has my faith fallen? What does this mean? More importantly, what am I going to do about it?

Stay tuned...

4 Lovies:

Violetta said...

Hey my mo,
I just came back from costa rica so I just heard the news... But I guess the last ones are good... I know you must be relieved now but still a little bit anxious. Like every mom I guess... But I am confindent that you baby girl is a fighter, a future revolutionnary with the parents and the aunties she has...
If you need to talk, I can call you... Just give me your number and you will hear again this awful french accent...
All my love and thoughs to you and to the little trouble maker that is growing in your belly... And of course to the dad!!!

kim said...

Oh my God. I am so thrilled to hear this! I am so happy that she is OK!

AngelsAmid said...

Actually I'm just now finding out and I'm about to cry from relief! YAY! :) Big hugs to baby Peeper and you!

Anonymous said...

it just occurred to me that I say decades of the rosary when I'm having dental work done (of course I say them inside my head...along with the other voices! LOL!) It calms me too. Not like I'm going to die from drilling or anything but it does seem to calm me down. :)

Been thinking a lot about the "control" thing which I also have. Still thinking. Clearly I still have a ways to go but it seems to me that parenting is the ultimate exercise in lack of control (which is why I desperately try to equip my children with every single life skill they'll ever need...knowing that's completely impossible to do...but I try anyway...cause if I don't they'll grow up to be drug-addicted, homicidal mass murderers right?? Right??) See how I am.

lots of work to do. :)