Yeah. It's like that.
This mood started over the weekend so I'm sure it's just my hormones talking. I wish they would say, "you're pregnant!" but instead they seem to be saying, "Welcome to cd1 - you're effing crazy." I know I have a tendency to get the poor-me-isms right about now so I'm not taking it all too seriously. But seriously? Who couldn't use a little more of, "Good job. I know you're doing your best."
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| I drive by this tree every day. There she is - just leaning, lurching to get around the freeway so that she can reach the sun. She's so pretty. Especially compared to the city that surrounds her. |
I'm not going to get to specific (Tim is a good husband, I don't resent my kid, I am thankful for an income) because it isn't like that. Rather, sometimes I get this vague feeling that I'm spinning my wheels. You know that feeling...your energy is low or your crabby/distracted/in a bad mood for no good reason but you're trying extra hard to do good .... oh, just a wee pat on the back would be nice then but instead the world moves on without a soul, it would seem, noticing that you made an effort. Sometimes it's not too bad: letting someone pull out in front of you but them not giving you the courtesy wave. Other times, it feels monumental: it's like saying "I love you" first and hearing nothing in return.
Doing good isn't about getting the recognition - I do realize that. I remember a homily from back when I didn't work every single Sunday. It was just before lent and the priest reminded everyone that giving something up for lent wasn't something to brag about. You should do it quietly, reverently.
Random acts of kindness are what they are because they are done with no expectation of anything in return. Still, and I think this is human nature, I still crave for someone to say, "I noticed what you did and it was good." Flowers from a client, coffee in bed from my husband, a hug and a kiss from my daughter, a comment on my blog - these little acts mean a lot and on some days pull me through.
So go on. I dare you to express your appreciation to at lest one person every single day over the next week. It will make them feel good, which will make you feel good. Good energy is circular like that.
7 Lovies:
No, it's not about the recognition- but to never be recognized doesn't feel so hot.
Even if it's not about the recognition, sometimes it is nice to see that you are appreciated. Your post makes me want to go out and tell some people how wonderful I think they are. To perform a random act of kindness. To do something and not look for recognition.
As a teacher, we generally get more harrassment than recognition. There are days it would be very nice to get a little pat on the back. Luckily, I get them from my own kids for things like getting them milk. Nothing better than an unsolicited, "Thanks Mommy!" from my 2 year old or a smile from my 4 month old.
I think when you look at how wonderful Ada is, you must take that as a compliment of what a great mother you are. I may not tell you and Tim but I think you guys are awesome parents.
I think you are amazing. You work, but yet, you have enough time to fill your daughter's days and nights with love. Not an easy balance. You also make time for things like photography! Kudos. Your plate is full, but you still find little slivers to get more enjoyment. Job well done. Life well lived.
This is a great post. I get the whole humble, prideless acts or words of kindness, but there are also days when our hearts just need some extra love and reassurance. It always seems like those days are the ones that noone knows that. Beautiful post!
Awesome post! I feel the same way (that I'm spinning my wheels but not getting anywhere) more often than I would like to admit and that I am underappreciated. But honestly, I underappreciate (certain) other people's efforts, and I definitely need to be more vocal about appreciating and acknowledging what they do.
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