Yeah. It's like that.
This mood started over the weekend so I'm sure it's just my hormones talking. I wish they would say, "you're pregnant!" but instead they seem to be saying, "Welcome to cd1 - you're effing crazy." I know I have a tendency to get the poor-me-isms right about now so I'm not taking it all too seriously. But seriously? Who couldn't use a little more of, "Good job. I know you're doing your best."
|I drive by this tree every day. There she is - just leaning, lurching to get around the freeway so that she can reach the sun. She's so pretty. Especially compared to the city that surrounds her.|
I'm not going to get to specific (Tim is a good husband, I don't resent my kid, I am thankful for an income) because it isn't like that. Rather, sometimes I get this vague feeling that I'm spinning my wheels. You know that feeling...your energy is low or your crabby/distracted/in a bad mood for no good reason but you're trying extra hard to do good .... oh, just a wee pat on the back would be nice then but instead the world moves on without a soul, it would seem, noticing that you made an effort. Sometimes it's not too bad: letting someone pull out in front of you but them not giving you the courtesy wave. Other times, it feels monumental: it's like saying "I love you" first and hearing nothing in return.
Doing good isn't about getting the recognition - I do realize that. I remember a homily from back when I didn't work every single Sunday. It was just before lent and the priest reminded everyone that giving something up for lent wasn't something to brag about. You should do it quietly, reverently.
Random acts of kindness are what they are because they are done with no expectation of anything in return. Still, and I think this is human nature, I still crave for someone to say, "I noticed what you did and it was good." Flowers from a client, coffee in bed from my husband, a hug and a kiss from my daughter, a comment on my blog - these little acts mean a lot and on some days pull me through.
So go on. I dare you to express your appreciation to at lest one person every single day over the next week. It will make them feel good, which will make you feel good. Good energy is circular like that.