I have been focused elsewhere these past few weeks. That's just one excuse. The real reason I haven't been blogging is because I joined the reading list of a blog that's all about making your blog better. Actually, making your blog more competitive.
Last month I wrote a lot. I tried to dig deep when I wrote about some personal stuff and I didn't hold back. I had the most page views I've ever had. It was really exciting to see my numbers climb and to read all of the comments - hence my interest in making my blog even better. I read all about the size my header should be and how to make my "About Me" section really awesome, and the importance of Twitter. At first, I thought it would be really fun to get more serious about it. Now, seeing these posts in my reading list every day is just bumming me out.
Late last week it came time to put something out there on my blog. As I was sitting down to do some rambling I realized that the only reason was doing it was to see how much better September could be. As if having more followers validates that I'm a nice person to know? I was starting to be motivated by something that felt so icky and was so far from the original reason I started this blog. After that I just couldn't do it. So, no post.
It's not that I didn't have plenty to say. We've been pretty busy and my mind is on fire. It's more that I resented how competitive blogging had somehow started to weasel it's way in to this little space where I create the history of my family. Even though I had invited it in, I felt so violated. Dude, this place is mine.
Something I really dig about blogging are the personal connections. I get facebook messages and emails all the time from friends and family who are so happy to see pictures of Ada or are so happy to know what's going on since we don't get to talk often enough. It's unnerving to know just how comforting it is to hear, "Dude, I get it, I've been there. You are so not alone." Also, I have found some super, lovely ladies through blogging and I love that. I learn from them and get new insight - it's a valuable community. Once I started trying to take it to a new level this other side of the blogging social scene started to emerge: The bizarre high-school social dynamics side of blogging. It can be pretty insincere and it makes me so sad.
So, I'm going to just keep doing what I'm doing, which is mostly writing stuff about my daughter. I'll keep throwing out some thoughts too - I want her to know what I thought about nearing 40, how I feel about my extended family and where I was when her grandmother died. I won't be likely to revamp my "About Me" section or add tabs so that my most popular posts can be found more easily or obsess about my header height. I'll keep reading blogs that do, but I'm just not up for playing along, you know? I'm not a competitor.