Sunday, September 27, 2009

One week of maternity leave left

One week from October 4th  will be exactly one year from our positive pregnancy test. It will also be the day I return to work.

Essentially my maternity leave is over as my mind has already started to make the transition. A few weeks back I went in to work to meet a friend for lunch. I went into our software to look in on how a patient was doing and I was so slow and clumsy with it. The other day I realized that I have forgotten all the doses for my favorite sedation protocols and drugs! It comes back quickly but apparently I need to study!

I feel so sad and depressed at the thought of leaving Ada to go back to work. I love my job and my career. At the same time the long, sometimes stressful days and all-consuming nature of my job can be exhausting. Even without a baby it was mentally and physically tiring to juggle my job and a life - mostly because I want to be able to give more to my job, to find solutions for my patients, to research cases, to learn from the people I work with. I will have to work extra hard to find a balance.
I tell you this much: the only thing I regret about having a baby is not doing it much sooner. I would have a dozen more if I could! I would also stay at home to raise them if I could. Why did we wait so long? How did I ever live before my daughter (who is sound asleep in her swing and humming along to some sweet dream)??