Monday, September 21, 2009

A Celebration of Life

We got back from FL (again) yesterday. Ada did well on the flights - I am so proud of her!! She has been sleeping a lot since we got home so I think that she was really worn out.  Not surprising! The whole family was in bed by 8:30 last night. I am glad that we don't have to travel again for a while.

Tim's parents came down to Naples for my mom's memorial. It is so sweet that they came. I am very, very lucky to be part of their family. I was able to pack up a little bit of my mom's stuff and send it to Tampa with them. Apparently smoke has been absorbed into everything and they had to drive with the windows open for a while. They repacked everything when they got it home and washed all the china. Superstars. Tim's dad bought a pack-n-play for Ada and the future grandkids to use. It was a very sweet idea and he picked out a really nice one. The only problem was keeping Poochie the cat out of the Pack-n-Play!

Diana and Gilberto brought Laura over from the east coast! It was soooooo nice to see them. I wish we had more time to spend together. Still, it was so touching that they came - a monumental effort with a tiny baby! Laura is just beautiful and D & G are naturals as parents. It's so beautiful to see this friend who I've spent so much transformative time with as a mother. I'm glad we are doing it at the same time! Ada is only 8 weeks older than Laura (and almost 3# heavier at birth) but she looks like a giant compared to Laura! So funny!

My mom's memorial was really nice. Lynn put a lot of effort into making it a thoughtful reflection of my mom and it turned out well. Charlie put together a slide show of pictures and music - a task that really took a lot of time and effort. It's obvious that he put much thought into the music. As I hugged him goodbye he told me to listen carefully - that there was a message there for me. I told him that I had been waiting for one. Many people got up to speak about her. I didn't. It's just not my way. I was talking to Tim's mom about it's just so funny how the sides of a person can so selectively be shown.

I don't know why God didn't see fit to give my mom a dozen and a half kids. One (me) wasn't enough! My mom was a rescuer. Since I was a kid there were wayward, young women in and out of our house and our lives all the time. Some of them she could help - learn how to manage money, leave an abusive relationship, take care of themselves, get clean... these women clung to her for it. They all called her mom.
That's one side of my mom, I suppose, but one that I saw from a very different perspective:  since I was raised up that way I am already hyper-responsible, goal-oriented, practical, perfectionist - not that there aren't things about me that are begging for improvement but there was nothing for her to fix! I wasn't enough of a train wreck to keep my mom busy. At the same time that she was proud of me and loved me I think I bored her!

I have come to the conclusion that no relationship is as intimate and intense as a mother/daughter relationship. Especially if you spend enormous amounts of time with only each other for company. We were so close that sometimes it was hard to know where one of us ended and the other began. Sounds romantic, but it is no way to live. When she got married to Jeff and I was immersed in school we started to distance ourselves from each other. It was hard (harder for her, I think) but it was good. I think I would be unable to function if I hadn't slowly started to make a life of my own years ago.