Monday, September 3, 2012

Secret Handshake

Even though we've only been in our new house for a couple of weeks the long weekend called to us to get out of town. Enough with the unpacking, cleaning, organizing and categorizing. Philly isn't too far away so we loaded up the car and got out of town early Saturday morning. We went to see some friends who we've known for years. I met Lucas in grad school, Tim met him in med school - that was somewhere around 14 years ago. Since then our lives have intersected and paralleled but always the friendship has been comfortable. 

These friends are good people. These are the kind of people that you can leave all your humanity exposed and know that they love you in spite of, or even because of, your faults. We hugged long, tight hugs - the kind that speak the words you can't say because no language has created the words to convey the entirety of this meaning. We told stories and laughed with our heads thrown back and mouths wide open. We enjoyed the company of adults without worry about the children. They were safe and occupying each other, leaving us completely free to engage with each other.


That night I watched as my friend read bedtime stories to our daughters and I loved her with my whole heart.


This woman I might never have known if our husbands weren't driven to retire to the barcaloungers with a glass of scotch, neat, and discuss such nerdy things as the caudate nucleus and hippocampus. And they're seriously passionate about these conversations with iPhone pictures and everything.

But what if I never met her? This friend in whom I confide regularly? We may not go "way back" or even speak the same native language but she knows details of my life; the ones I tell her and the ones I don't have to tell her. We don't have to elaborate on call schedules or grant deadlines and what they do to our lives. We don't have to convince each other of what that circumstance really means. Or how every day seeing terrible things happen to good people has changed the men we love and us too. We live it and we know what powerful forces humility and dedication can be.


Our Philly friends are extraordinarily special to us regardless of the professional commonality even though that's what brought us together originally. Maybe there are others? How long until we meet them, if ever? Can't we speed this along?

It got me to thinking: why isn't there a network of physicians spouses? Even if you never, ever met in real life wouldn't it be great to have a community of people who "get" you and the weird circumstances that influence the very fundamentals of your family function? The internet has made it such that we do find each other...eventually. Sometimes. We could do better though. We're literally all over the country. We could make each others lives so much easier in those times when our spouses career leaves us holding the bag of transition, loneliness and aloneness. How awesome would it be if when you relocated you already had in place a group of friends who get you on this bizarre level that is so impossible for an outsider to understand.

Why not organize this secret club we all belong to?
Centralize it.
Make it accessible.
Get the young ones to draw in the non-network savvy matriarchs.

We could have our own secret handshake and everything. 

1 Lovies:

Your Doctor's Wife said...

Peeper! You have little dolls! So happy you linked up with us at Medical Monday Bloghop! :)