My Grievous Angel

For years I rebelled against the institution of marriage. I maintained that I could exist in a committed adult relationship without needing a piece of paper to make it meaningful. Then along comes this guy. He was goofy and nerdy and attractive. One-by-one he broke down my barriers. Time-after-time he stayed when I expected him to go. He showed up in a big way when it counted. He made me trust him. He made me love him.

Four years ago today Tim and I did what I said I would never do: we got married.

The photographer made damn sure we couldn't have these pictures without paying for the digital images. Dang it. These are scanned in so they are grainy.

When I think of that day - that whole weekend - the details just swirl: the Cedar House Inn, sleeping with the windows thrown open, the perfect weather that night, that dress - Oh my God, that dress, walking to the ceremony with my mom and bridesmaids, writing our ceremony with Matt after a run the morning of the wedding, holding Tim's hand during the toasts, the bottles of port, the photo booth that Pete built, walking in to Brand New Colony, meeting all of our friends at Scarlett O'Hara's after the rehersal, looking around and knowing that our intimate event was comprised only of people we loved and they loved us.


 


The Song: isn't that a popular topic? We knew from the start what our song was. Every time I mention it, nobody seems to know what song I'm talking about. I can't find it on playlist or youtube either. Too bad - it is so beautiful and it's message so distilled. Tim and I shacked up for a long time before we tied the knot. We were married long before we were married - marriage is more about the promises you make to each other in the privacy of your own room. These are the promises that no divorce can reverse. This marriage is forever.

The Secret Marriage

Sting

No earthly church has ever blessed our union

No state has ever granted us permission

No family bond has ever made us two

No company has ever earned commission

No debt was paid no dowry to be gained

No treaty over border land or power

No semblance of the world outside remained

To stain the beauty of this nuptial hour

The secret marriage vow is never spoken

The secret marriage never can be broken

No flowers on the alter

No white veil in your hair

No maiden dress to alter

No bible oath to swear

The secret marriage vow is never spoken

The secret marriage never can be broken

Tim got us a sunny yellow dutch oven for our anniversary. I am so excited just dreaming up all the meals we will cook for our family and friends from this heavy pot. I love it.




I also love this constant reminder. It's as beautiful as the day it landed on my finger.




From a poem by John Cavanaugh, in his book `Shouting Down Silent Canyons':


I want to walk with you above the pines,
Scale mountains, leap rivers, speak to the sun and moon,
And make wagers with the stars.
I want to roll laughing down lonely canyons,
To tease the desert that threatens to destroy, ski deserted trails,
Ride dirt bikes to the very edge of the lingering horizon,
I want to sail across strange seas and explore buried cities,
To watch the mating of the whales in a Mexican lagoon,
And hear the music of coyotes resound across a moonless sky.
I want to startle deer in forests and mountain lions in their lairs,
To surprise bold racoons and watch the porcupines waddle away
Like embarrassed little boys.
But most of all I want to love without barriers,
With eyes laughing and hearts singing
And caution abandoned to the clouds by a friendly west wind.
I want to feel your presence as my very own, to speak to you as though
I am talking to myself, to hold you without fear or distance
Or private thoughts.
So I can walk with you above the pines, scale mountains, leap rivers
Speak to the sun and moon
And make wagers with the stars.

I'd make wagers with the stars for you any day. Happy 4 years, love.