Walking

Holy Moses. She was taking a few steps at a time since Portland. But today? She stopped me in my tracks with this

Playdate

I am told that in the long ago time women who lived near each other would gather over coffee and pie and their children would play together. If that were still the case Ada would be playing with the mayors daughter and the kid whose Dad authored the Lemony Snicket series. Those families wouldn't be caught dead slummin' it with the likes of us. No lie, the mayors wife drives a Tesla, which costs over $100,000...we still drive our beater 1999 Pontiac Grand Am, which is worth about $500 according to Kelly Blue Book. Lemony's wife once told me that her son gets mad when we park near to their driveway. Uhh...Pardon me?

Thankfully, Kathi and her family are more open-minded, embracing, and quite down-to-earth. Our girls are only a few weeks apart in age so we got together for a playdate, the modern version of coffee and pie.




I was wondering aloud on Sunday if the next baby will learn earlier to share and not hit/bite/poke because of that continuous feedback from an older sibling? I was wondering this because soon after we got there Ada just up and poked Sarah right in her eye! I have been warned to expect these things to happen but it's impossible to not feel mortified or let an, "Ada!?!" slip from the lips when she snatches a book from someone else.





Sarah got a love-tank refill with her Mom:



And after that, the eye-poke and book-snatching were forgotten.
Babies are so funny: how they experience these moments of exuberance. Sometimes we know why but other times there is no apparent cause for the grin or giggle. My Grandma used to say that babies play with the angels so maybe that's it. Or maybe they just have these moments where they are overwhelmed with the simple joy of being alive. Either way, it is beautiful to see them so happy.






While Sarah struck a pose (above), Ada worked on her stacking skills



and could later be found in the corner licking a piece of plastic.




Like the end of a fun first date, the afternoon concluded with a sincere "we should do this again sometime!" Maybe we'll do the coffee and pie San Francisco style and have a glass of wine next time :-)

New shoes

Oh yeah. Mama's got some new shoes. They are red. I love to look down at my feet and see happy, smiling red poke out from the hem of my jeans. No time for a pedicure right now so my $12 H & M ballet slippers will do nicely, thank you.



I love colorful accessories like this. My winter coat is robin's egg blue. My favorite purse is pine-needle green. I have more scarves than you can shake a stick at and I'm always game for one more. Life is too short to not live in full color. 

While I was at it, I bought the babe some new shoes of her own. She toddles all over the place now - even in public - so some new shoes were desperately needed. Super cute, if I do say so myself :-)

And this is what it has come to...

Tonight, while Ada was doing this:


Yes, she sleeps now with her blanket pulled over her head. I think she does it just to freak us out. It is quite effective.


Tim and I were working on this:




Sigh.
I don't know whether to be proud or sad about our little project there.

It's a piece of paper with an entire week from 5am to 11 pm, Monday - Sunday mapped out. Protected time. Non-negotiable time. It's a color-coded map to those things that are our highest priorities: work, study, exercise, family, date-night, Ada - all carefully blocked off. This is what happens when, after a year of trying every other method that has worked in the past, I still can't say that I feel even a little bit balanced.

Some women make it all look so easy. If it really is happening for them seamlessly well then God love 'em - you know how much I love things to happen organically. Maybe that's why I feel reserved about our little rainbow colored blocks on paper: it's so forced. In my experience, whenever I force something to happen outside of it's natural time I precipitate a crisis. And another thing: it's too neat. Life isn't neat.
Yes, there may be times when real life conflicts with the orange block of time. So be it. When Ada grows into a new stage this plan will begin to feel like a pair of ill-fitting shoes. So it is. Today, we have to try though. If we carry on with this "let the chips fall where they may" approach, which isn't working, then a crisis is going to occur anyway.


I feel obligated to clarify something: this isn't her fault.

I read an article recently: LINK
I think a lot of things about this article - some I agree with and some I don't. I'm sure my thoughts will percolate into other posts. I haven't been in the parenting game all that long so I'm prepared to eat my words but this sentiment that children don't make you happy because they suck the life out of you? I find it offensive because it's just so...disproportionately dramatic. Yes, I'm tired. No, I don't get to do whatever I want, whenever I want.

I wouldn't have it any other way. 

I always wondered what happened to my friends after they had children: they changed so much. This has been on my mind since before I was pregnant. This blog was started to help me figure it out and now I know. I wish one of those friends had been able to explain it to me so that I wouldn't have been so afraid of losing myself.

I liken it to meeting a new guy and falling in love. We've all done it: moved to planet (fill in your old man's name here) for at least a little while. Remember when you blew off a review session for finals, that long run, going out with friends, or staying later at the office just to impress the boss? You were in love!! The most important thing to you was spending time with that new special person. You blew off that other stuff willingly, without resentment. In fact, it was exhilarating! You felt alive! You were doing exactly what you wanted but what you wanted had changed to accommodate this new great relationship in your life. If I resent anything, it's all the other crap I have to do...crap I had to do before she was even conceived!

I'll pick up all 26 pounds of her over and over again, ignoring the irksome protests of my lower back, because I simply can't get enough of her. And it it means the pedicure has to wait or that I leave H & M before I'm really done shopping because she's fussy then that's just the way it is. And while the moment-to-moment may not always be thrilling, the ride as a complete entity is out-of-this world. This is one ride I never want to get off of because it makes me feel alive (I keep accidentally typing "alove" - I think there is meaning in there).

And that's all I have to say about that. For now, anyways.

4 Days of July 4th

I spent a lot of time this weekend thinking about balance. Thinking about how it's been a long time since I felt like I was really doing well at something. Thinking about how when I chose to focus on one thing, something else gets neglected. I'm a believer in Stephen Covey's big rock, little rock theory but it's been a good, long time since I've thought about my "Big Rocks".
Big rock number one is my marriage.
Big rock number two is my daughter.
So that's where I started.


Thursday afternoon found Ada & I doing the only sensible thing to do on a warm, sunny afternoon in San Francisco: spreading a blanket in the panhandle off Golden Gate Park under the shimmering shade of the great eucalyptus trees.







Ada & I also spent a good deal of time walking with Tim either to or from work. During these walks Tim & I  brainstormed how we can create more time together. Sadly, my first rock has been neglected lately and I am feeling unnaturally needy for my husband. With our work schedules we get one day a week as a family: Saturday. This day is becoming sacred - fiercely protected. Dates are wonderful but, quite frankly, expensive (babysitting, cab, dinner, etc.) so we carried on with the brainstorming. Ada was blissfully hanging out in the stroller, just pleased to be with us and knowing that life is just as it should be.



Saturday brought weekend visitors!! Melissa & Dan came for the 4th. They stayed with their 3 dogs and one of their cats in a downtown hotel....on the 29th floor! An amazing view, but more on that later. Tim is so thrilled to use his Father's Day gift and I am thrilled to have someone else do the cookin'!! I love it :-)
The night was a rare one atop our hill: the air was still, the temperature was almost warm, and the fog decided to not roll in. So we had a picnic on the back deck amongst our little container garden. So beautiful and special...by the end Melissa and I were wrapped up in old quilts. It was one of those times when you aren't exactly comfortable but don't dare change a thing as it might disrupt the magic of the moment.



Ada met Millhouse and the cats met a dog for the first time.



More chalk drawings. I can tell you this much is certain, the $3.53 I spent on that can of blackboard spray paint was the best money I spent in a while. I see this idea following us where we go for a long, long time. So much fun to see the artwork people leave behind for us!





Sunday morning in the garden after eggs and toast. I went through Ada's clothes again. I'll take some to consign. My little weed :)





More grilling, napping, snuggling, laughing, talking, hanging out. Love old friends...

 



I love the look on Melissa's face here: like she is so grossed out! I don't know how that can be? The Kushi's were delicious!!Besides, I have seen this woman with her arm in a cow's asshole up to her shoulder and cracking up about it..







We went to the 29th floor stunning hotel room to watch the fireworks. A bust. Would've been a great show if it weren't for all the fog. A few low ones could be seen but the rest were above the fog line so that all we saw was a faint red or green or white glow. I think this must be so demoralizing for the person/people who plan that show. Imagine all that work and planning and no one sees it! We watched the NYC fireworks on TV instead. My wee one stayed up way, way past her bedtime. We all went straight to bed when we got home. First, Ada left her hand print on the 29th floor...

"So, tell me...what is life like with a one-year-old?"

The is our how pediatrician starts off our group appointments. This is a great set-up, by the way. We meet with 3 other couples and their babies, talk about what the current way of life is, and our pedi doesn't have to repeat herself 4 or 5 different times. We love our pedi. Every single thing she said would happen did happen and every time we have followed her advice we we thankful to have heard it. In this town, when you say, "Jane Anderson is our pediatrician" people stop arguing with you about whatever it is that they think you should be doing differently.

So what is life like? Here are the current stats:

Age: 1 year and 11 days
Weight: 25 lbs 13 oz. and 31.5 inches (off the growth charts!)
Size (diapers, onesies, etc.): Size 3-4 diapers and 18 month old clothes
Eyes: Green/gray with an inner rim of brown like Tim's eyes have
Hair: Houston, we have curls!
Sleeping: Fewer, shorter naps. Still STTN, but periodically wakes and needs to be soothed back to sleep.
Milestones: First steps last week!
Words/sounds: Babble, babble, babble
What we are looking forward to: Walking, talking, tantrums :(


She eats anything we eat including chevre on water crackers, ethiopian, bagel w/ lox... LOVES cheerios, graham crackers, strawberry yogurt, avocado, strawberries.
We say things like "You're OK" when she falls over, which is often.
We listen to silly songs, exaggerate our facial expressions, get way too excited over little things like clapping our hands and bath time and any time she isn't grabbing or smacking a cat.






The best part? An excuse to include all things Jim Henson. Had science not worked out for me, I might have gone to be a puppeteer. Because, seriously? It is not possible to feel sad when the Muppets are on. It's like trying to not smile when you are skipping. Can't do it.

Here's a classic to give you an idea. I love the part about the bunnies. One day they were in their mom and the next day they weren't. Smooth, Sesame Street!








We are apparently headed for the "terrible twos". Ada is about the easiest baby on the planet so even the slightest outburst from her gives us reason to pause. Tantrums? Dude. I don't know 'bout all that. So I picked up a copy of The Happiest Toddler on the Block by Harvey Karp. Dr. Anderson doesn't agree with all of it - we'll ask her about that at the next visit. For now, I figure the first book worked well for us and was accessible - a critical point given that I'm lucky if I get to read more that half a sentence of anything at a time. I've been 'reading' the same magazine for over a month and I'm still only about10 pages in. Sad - those first pages are all adverts!


Meanwhile, I'll hang on to these moments with my angelic little love bug. Sometimes after she falls to sleep I'll linger a while longer than I probably should in the rocker. I just want to stare and marvel. Sometimes I cry a little bit at just how wonderful she is. My very own heart.



*************************************************************************************

On an entirely different note:
Someone asked me what I meant when I referred to Ada has having "banana slug boogers". You know, the ones that you start to pull out of their noses and then more comes out and behind that is even more booger until finally you have this blob of congealed snot that is almost as big as your babies head?
Behold, a banana slug. Found this one on our walk this morning. For reference, I wear a size 9 shoe.

More about that Dream

I noticed a few months ago that the blogs I read, the magazines on my nightstand, the books on my library request list, the shows that I like to watch all have one thing in common: HOME. I really, really crave stability and always have. Not a boring rut, mind you. Stability. To me, this means that I have a safe place from which to travel, work, stretch and grow. The one thing I desperately want for my family is to provide a place where we can always come home to safely regroup. This doesn't have to happen in Portland. No, it could happen anywhere I create it. I just liked Portland and it inspired to me to get back to dreaming about this.

There is nothing wrong with the life I have now. In fact, I rather like it. Maybe it's just perpetual school/training talking, but did you ever get the feeling that as much as you love the here and now there is a destination still to move towards?  This destination has been there in my mind since as long as I can remember but it's always been shapeless and vague. I know well enough that in order for it to happen my vision has to be clear and specific. So that's what I've been working on in my minds eye: the rich details. 

I know I'm asking a lot but Hey, I can dream...

• Summer will feel like summer. We'll get strawberries from the farmers market and make strawberry ice cream, make popcicles in tupperware forms, go swimming, play in the water hose, pick berries, canoe in a body of water, go to bed with light still in the sky and only a sheet over me, take a picnic, and go swimming to cool off. Then at the end of the season the air will be crisp, the shadows will grow long, and the trees will shed their leaves in time to make Halloween extra spooky.

• Winter will feel like winter. We'll walk through snow to get our Christmas tree and put lights on the outside of our house, build a snowman, go sledding, drink hot chocolate, make soup, put an extra quilt on the bed, and wear slippers, scarves, mittens. Then at the end of the season the sturdy leaves of the crocuses will push through the frozen dirt just in time for Easter.

• Our house will be big enough but not a McMansion. It has a fireplace, stairs, hardwood floors, central heat and air, a butter-yellow kitchen with east-facing windows, a bedroom painted Tiffany blue, a finished basement with a guest suite, and an awesome stereo system. 

• I want room to run, bike and swim... Without fear of being run over.

• I want to run into friends at the farmers market, yoga studio, the grocery, my kids classroom, the library. I want to have coffee with these friends every Tuesday morning after we walk our kids to school.

• My kids will grow up in a community where they can ride bikes on the sidewalk, draw with chalk in the driveway, have a lemonade stand, outdoor movies, be watched over by all of the parents, and have sleepovers in a tent in the backyard. 

•  My husband & I can walk to a dinner date. 

• I want to pull into my driveway. Where I will park my car. Then I will haul my stuff a short distance into the house. 

•  I want to have dinner with my family every night (except date nights).

• My kid(s) and I will curl up in bed to read picture books. 

•  I'll sew, crochet, bake, paint - and I want to to do these things with my kid(s) . My kid(s) will have a space specifically dedicated to creating art and crafty projects. And I want us to wear matching aprons.

• Some day I'll peek out the kitchen window to see my husband on the back lawn coaching our children in some sport. 

• In the backyard there is a vegetable garden in raised beds, a water feature, pea gravel path, hummingbird feeder, regular bird feeder, wind chimes, and maybe a pool.

•  In the front yard there are flowers like peonies and lilacs. Sometimes I will cut some to bring inside and put next to my bed. I want a large porch with a swing to drink iced tea on. Some day Tim & I will wave from the porch as Ada goes off to prom and clap our hands as she pulls into the drive with our grandchildren.

Oh, in my mind the picture is so beautiful.

On an entirely different note: Since I didn't get these up earlier here are a few pics of Ada in the pool with Tim the night before we left Oregon. The bikini is a birthday present from Auntie Diana ;-)