Each Coming Night

Will you say when I’m gone away 

"My lover came to me and we'd lay 
In rooms unfamiliar but until now"

Today marks 12 years ago that Tim and I had our first date.

I still have that Franklin Covey planner page in my momentos. I take it out every year and remind myself of that time: of where I was just then. I took some things so seriously but, looking back, I see that time as being relatively free of responsibility. I could, and frequently did, do whatever I wanted - I was able then to create myself as I wanted without distraction.



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Will you say to them when I’m gone 
"I loved your son for his sturdy arms 

We both learned to cradle then live without" 

I think about where he was just then: struggling to thrive in a languishing lab, his grandfather had just died and yet he had his own freedom - the kind that you can only taste as a very young adult aspiring to very grand things. Things that you just might get whether they're given to you or you have to earn them all by yourself.


We were still nothing but a date in the future just then. I remember going to a neurobiology meeting in St. Pete beach. On the way back home my ride and I stopped at a Greek bakery. There was a woman there who read my coffee grounds just the same way my beloved Greek Maria used to do every night - weaving a beautiful tale of romance and serenity. This woman told me that I was about to meet a man. We would marry, have several children, and he would take me on travels beyond my imagination.

About a year later I met Tim. So far, it hasn't happened exactly as the Greek lady told me it would, but we do have a child (and hope for more) and the man loves to travel. We have gone to places I wouldn't have dreamed of before him. One of the best things about my man is that every day he comes up with a theory or a wacky idea that either thrills me, makes me laugh, or leaves me sighing deeply and shaking my head in confusion.



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Will you say when I’m gone away
'Your father’s body was judgment day 

We both dove and rose to the riverside" 

I looked tonight at what we have made together. She is the most stunning, poetic thing that has ever happened to me and by far the best thing we have done together. There was a whole life before her and it was good. It is good. The most exciting part is that it keeps getting better.




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Will you say to me when I’m gone 
"Your face has faded but lingers on 

'Cause light strikes a deal with each coming night"

Tonight we put our sick girl to bed. We cooked at home. We drank a glass of wine. We watched Anthony Bourdain in Haiti.It was a far cry from last year...but that Ethiopian restaurant isn't there anymore just like the restaurant where we had our first date isn't there anymore. Times passes and things change. We are still standing, an alliance. Today is the first day of 12 more years. At least.  

10 on Ten

Rebekah's 10 on Ten photo project.

Except for that I learned of it at the end of the 10th. Also, when I looked back I realized there were only 8 pictures documenting the day instead of the 10 pictures that the title would suggest. Now that I can sit to post it's really the 16th. Hey, I have a full-time job. So, really this is 8 on Eleven on the 16th. I'll try to remember to do this again on April 10 and see what comes of it.

My Aunt Barb left a phone message at 1:30 AM to tell us to gt to high ground if we weren't already there. We woke up to sound of a voice on the answering machine saying that "xxxxxxx" was going to hit San Francisco at 8:16 AM. We mumbled that we get up so freaking early we would easily have over 3 hours to deal with it, whatever it was. When we woke up 4 hours after the message we saw the tragedy that had hit Japan. And I thought my life was stressful? Shame on me. 

After the first nuclear power plant in Japan exploded there was a mad rush to get potassium iodine. Good luck finding it. I managed to track down some at our local hard-core hippie store. It sits next to my Vitamin D. As part of the February Happiness Project I vowed to have a check-up with my GP. Happy to report that all is well except for my mildly low Vitamin D levels. These sit next to my prenatal vitamins, which I have, apparently, been taking in vain. My Ob reports that  my FSH has risen from 5.4 a mere 3 years ago to 12 on cd5. That's the death knoll of my ovaries, folks. Ignorance really was bliss. Aging sucks. 

My girl continues to become more independent. Gosh, I sure do love her a lot. Being  her Mom exceeds my wildest dreams.

Radiology Prom 2011: The very most unexpected party dress. The sales clerk at Ambiance, my favorite store, tells me this dress was in Marie Claire and Lucky magazines. I don't read these magazines so what do I know? It was on clearance and the skirt was super-flouncy and super-duper fun.

More party prep included a lot of jewelry I'll probably never find an occasion to wear. I love it nevertheless.

Ada's friend Cole turned one year old. I continue to contend that this day is so much a monumental day for the parents. 

A little light weekend reading. 

Tim's favorite flower is the daffodil. Last spring he planted some  bulbs in a rectangular plot - that's the shape that fits in the awkward rim of dirt around the rotting deck. It looked for a while like we had buried a human out there. Rest assured, it was only some amateur gardening. The daffodils are up and he's like a proud kid - and rightly so. These sunny, yellow flowers are friendly and bright. 

Sick Day

My weekend started last Thursday with a mild nagging cold and a strain in my lower back. We lay low and took it easy all weekend. It seemed that I had yet again narrowly escaped the grip of a flattening illness. Sometimes I catch a whiff of whatever's going around but I almost never get really sick.This time I was not so lucky. I went to work yesterday and by the end of the day my back felt better - not picking up a 30# toddler all day was great for healing. Conversely, my muscles became achy, my nerves spontaneously gave out little shocks that radiated down my limbs and my skin became hypersensitive. I knew it was coming. I tried to ignore it and carry on with the hope that I wouldn't be where I am now: in bed, sick as a dog with the flu.

When the body needs to rest it will make it clear. In my case, it took a full-blown flu and a bad back to keep me still. Just stubborn, I guess. Ada is with her favorite babysitter for the day. Meanwhile, I slept on and off past 1:00 pm. Now, the hard part for me: resting.

A slow walk to the Randall Museum on Friday. 

We live on the top of a hill. Looking down to a street that meanders down that hill. 

I knealt to take her picture and she went down too. Compassionate heart. 

Saturday took us on an adventure over towards what might be our new hood someday. Cart before the horse much? Nothing is certain but it is our way to slowly, methodically plod along toward such changes. It's near a place called Shepherd's Canyon. How's that for irony? We went for a 4 mile hike along a crest in San Joaquin Miller Park. Tim carried Ada the whole way in the hiking backpack we got just for her. I think that was the last go for that thing with her in it. Even though I didn't carry her this might explain why my back was completely jacked when I woke up Sunday morning.

I brought the camera and was all poised to document our outing. I took a picture of Tim with sunscreen all over his face and then saw that I had forgotten the memory card at home. No pictures. Too bad as it was a beautiful hike. You would never know that less than 10 miles away was a major city: birds singing in the trees, beautiful vistas, wind in the high branches, trickling of little streams at the bottom of the canyon, and my girl humming. Every time I am in nature I know it deep in the seat of my soul that this is my church. Families do all sorts of things together but I see ours hiking together from a time when the kid(s) are very little.

The girl knows a good thing when she sees it. Chocolate-cinnamon popcicle from Nopalito. Messy, that's true. I want a box of 6 in my freezer pretty much at all times.

On second thought, it's good that we don't have these around. 

Making music. 

Offering her wooden carrots to the Gods as a sacrifice to make Mommy's back feel better? 

My little ham. I was laid up on the couch with a heating pad on my back so she brought me her favorite-toy-of-the-moment just as soon as she was done with it and ready to move on to a new favorite. 

Why do I have so many pictures of her in the tub? For one thing, she's actually sitting relatively still. In this instance she was doing something that Tim thought was hysterical. I was trying to stay upright in the kitchen for just a couple more hours so I have no idea what was so funny. 

Passing Afternoon

At last - a small window to sit and record those events that will soon be memories. With a running dialogue in my mind, I've been looking to carve out this time for days. Now that it's here, I realize that I have little to say. Rather, it's all been about moving forward in deed more than word. I get the feeling that things are going to start developing quickly now. As a creature of habit, I wilt at the idea of change but I think that the things to come are going to be good.

In kind, our moments here have been very plain. I'll record them regardless because as Sam Beam says, "There are things that drift away, like our endless numbered days." The only sin greater than not recognizing the beauty in these seemingly plain moments is to not remember them later.

Take, for example, the simple act of learning how to eat cold cereal in milk. She tried with her hands and then became quite determined to use the spoon. All things considered, she did pretty well.




I love this girl always but when she wakes up from her nap? Those cheeks are pink, that hair is crazy, her body is soft and warm and she is just damn happy and serene.





Last weekend was still dominated by rain and bitingly cold winds so we spent more time inside than usual. Much as I love her, finding new ways to keep her entertained and pushing myself to stay engaged with her gets to be challenging, as a matter of fact. This is good to remember when I have a crappy day at work and daydream of being a stay at home mom. I love the idea of it, but the reality would not be for me really. How lovely to have the option.




At one point in the later afternoon I had that strike of panic that comes when you snap back to full consciousness only to realize that you got caught up in whatever you were doing and now there is only silence coming from the place where your kid is supposed to be. I came scurrying around the corner into her room to find her carrying on a full narrative with her favorite story books. I snuck out, grabbed the camera, and went back in.





Saturday was a rare day. Well, these days it's rare. Tim is preparing for his oral board exams so most all of his spare time goes to that task. We haven't had a family day in what feels like forever even though I know that in reality it hasn't been that long. We finished our organization project from January and then spent the rest of the day playing.





My family. It's hard to even want to imagine how lost I would be without these two...





My little girl in our big city. The juxtaposition of a tiny young Ada with the giant old cypress and eucalyptus of the panhandle - something about it makes me crazy with preemptive nostalgia. I can imagine in 20 years still being able to vividly imagine her toddle through this narrow strip of old-growth land that slides so naturally between busy city streets.




Our local library branch opened up after a year of closure for refurbishment. Worth the wait, I tell you. That children's section is fleshed out with new books and comfy seats for reading together. I can't wait to go again. The grand re-opening was anything but subtle. I hadn't expected a neighborhood full of retired hippies to get so excited about such a thing but the turnout was nothing short of astonishing. My girl clung to me with a wide intent stare.





Because the entertainment just blew her away. Me too. These guys were hysterical. I've seen the guy on the left at the panhandle playground (pictured above) with his son. Nice guy. One of Tim's friends from college used to be in a Smiths cover band. Now he does a gig like this. Unexpected to say the least.





We stopped off at Cole Hardware (love our local businesses) for 20% off your whole bag day. I'm working on a little project for our newly emptied hall closet. Let's put it this way, there are very few people in these united states who would go this far to create a tiny, and I do mean tiny, bit of space for themselves.

Nevertheless, Ada scored a balloon and we looked like a travelling circus on the way home what with our giant 39 x 24" board, library books, balloons, and whatnot.





Last Sunday came all too quickly. I savored my last moments of weekend before being whisked off to work. It was a busy work week. Good, but busy. I just came up for air today.




The deflated balloon is less fun, but easier to grab!








My current weekend has only just begun. Today was so fantastic that I feel dreamy as a result of it. In fact, I can hardly wait for tomorrow.