Heather and baby stuff

I just dropped Heather off at the airport and I'm sad she's gone. We had a fun weekend! We didn't do hardly any typical San Francisco stuff. Rather, we shopped and ate a lot!! When we went to Anthropolgie Heather found the only baby item in the whole store (on sale - sweet!) so she bought a present for baby peeper:
I found a little hat for her at a maternity store last Thursday. Since I was hot on the heels of good news I snapped one up to celebrate that she has a head with a brain in it to put a hat on (and I had a discount for working at the store owners favorite vet clinic). The hat is made by www.libraknits.com and I highly recommend these as a shower gift or just for fun. It's made of angora and lambswool - super, super soft. I got her "black purl" cause I like black.

Baby peeper has a brain.

I think I've already spread the word: baby peeper has a corpus callosum!


Yay! One MAJOR obstacle down. Since nothing is ever easy we are not totally in the clear. Her ventricles are still measuring big at 9mm each, which is bigger than two weeks ago. Anything over 10 mm is ventriculomegaly. I have another follow-up ultrasound in 2 weeks. I'm actively choosing to not worry about this. Ruth Goldstein was our radiologist today and she is a fetal neuro-imaging specialist. She says that in her experience bigger babies have bigger ventricles. Babies who have developmental issues have a tendency to be much smaller. Baby peeper is big (not abnormally) for her age. See? It's like a geometry proof.

So after being underground except for the blog, which has served as a diary of sorts, I am finally ready to join the world of the living. To celebrate this I came home from the morning and collapsed in a napping heap on the couch. This is why I sent out a quick text and held off on any posting until the hangover was gone. Tomorrow I will go buy a couple of shirts that actually fit me.

I am only beginning to process this experience:
The best part is how incredibly supportive you have all been. I will forever remember that.

I think it changed my relationship with Tim - our marriage is stronger. God, I love that man. He is a good man.

I am still trying to get a grip on my control issues...a big one for me. Losing control for any reason is a horror. This is why my house is clean: false sense of control. Want to know a secret? I probably would have spent more time exploring recreational drugs but I learned early that I am not cut out for it. Gosh, I managed to have a bad time smoking pot and on ecstasy (not at the same time) and never went further.

Parenting. She's grounded already for worrying me so much.

Faith. At 7:20 am I decided I needed my rosary. It wasn't in the misselett where it normally is so I ended up pulling storage boxes out of the depths of the closet in a panic until I found it. I went through 2 whole rosaries between the walk to the hospital and the wait. Like an old familiar friend the meditation kept me calm. How far has my faith fallen? What does this mean? More importantly, what am I going to do about it?

Stay tuned...

43 hours & 6 minutes...

You can see what my time has come to. It's a good thing I was on swing today. Nothing like some emergencies to distract you.

**Sigh**

::taps fingers::

Still here? Day 12

Is anyone still reading this? I'm even fed up with myself.

I have been so self-absorbed that I forgot my best friends birthday. I suck. Because she is gracious and loyal and loves me I was forgiven before I even asked for it. Truthfully, I'm just sick about it.

Meanwhile, I have 60 more hours to go. The anxiety is building to unanticipated proportions. I can tell because I'm thirsty all the time and I'm fidgety. I was like this for a few days before I took national boards too. A sloooooow sympathetic nervous system response. I think I'll go clean the house until I fall asleep. Tim started night float again tonight and it's always hard for me to sleep the first few nights he's away.